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02/28/2006
I blame myself.
But, I am here now, ready to delight you with my usual assortment of sarcasm, snark, and coarse language. Ready?
Life has been good. One of the highlights of these past three (eek!) weeks was meeting the lovely EJW last week. EJW is relatively new to the blogging circuit, and shortly after starting her blog, she emailed me to tell me that we were some sort of freaky twins – we both live in Wisconsin and work for the state, we’re about the same age and have been trying to conceive for about the same amount of time, we both like cheese, etc. So we emailed back and forth for a month or two, and imagine my shock when I found that not only do we live in the same city, but we work two blocks away from each other. Tiny, miniscule world. We had lunch last week, which included lots of gossip, plenty of bitching, and two enormous wraps, and Snapple. Good day, in all.
Speaking of real-life blog meetings, Alexa and I are discussing when to hold the next Confabulous/Upper Midwestern Barren Bitches Brigade Gathering. We’d like to try for March. Midwesterners – email me and tell me if any weekends in March work for you. OK? We’ll probably meet in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area again, if that works for you.
I’m sorry that the title of my last post caused some confusion. No, I’m not on Clomid – yet, anyway. In fact, tomorrow marks the first day on my new, 50%-of-infertility-diagnostics-and-services-covered insurance! I’ve made an appointment with a general practitioner for my annual checkup a week from today (though I’ll probably be getting my period that day, so not good planning on my part), and I’ll be able to get an RE referral that day as well. Though who knows how long it will take, once I get that referral, to actually get an appointment. From what I’ve heard, REs aren’t known for their speediness.
For those of you keeping count at home, I am now on Cycle 19, CD 20, 5 DPO. Hopefully I've provided enough acronyms to keep you satisfied until the next time we check in on my uterus.
Oh, and remember this post?
Remember the part where I wrote, “To the best of my knowledge, none of my college friends and roommates have even considered trying to have kids at any point soon. That is, of course, a blessing for me as I just may have had to throw something if one of my college roommates showed up at our five-year reunion this fall with baby pictures to fawn over.”?
Yeah. Guess who received the following email from her roommate J 5 days after writing that fateful post?:
“I am just writing to let you know in about 6 months, B and I will have a new baby!!! We just attended our 3 month appointment last week and heard the baby's heartbeat, which made us even more excited. Baby JB is expected to arrive on or about August 25, 2006. We are really looking forward to this new adventure and wanted to share with you the good news!”
I was frankly kind of pissed off at first – not because she’s pregnant, but because she knew that we were having problems conceiving, yet she included me in a mass email with 16 other recipients to tell me her news. I believe my response was a scant, “Congrats, you two!” All I could deal with at that point. Reading her email was like being kicked in the gut. It was such a visceral reaction.
A few weeks earlier, one of the other college roommates had sent a short update on her life and had invited us all to do the same. No one had taken her up on that offer, but after reading J’s email, I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and educate my friends.
I started a group email with all sorts of lovely info about my life – my job, Hal’s job, our cats, my family, etc. And then I pulled out the big guns:
“In light of the fact that at least 2 of you are currently housing much-wanted uterine squatters, I thought I'd fill you in on my status as far as THAT goes.
As some of you may recall, I was giddy like a little girl over a year ago when Hal and I started trying to conceive, and I went ahead and told many of you, moderately confident that our reproductive organs would go right along with our plans. Generally, an average couple will get pregnant in about 5 cycles of trying to conceive. Well . . . we hit 5 cycles about 14 cycles ago. Yup, we're on cycle #19, and it's really starting to suck.
So far, we've only had a few very basic tests -- I had one short consult last summer with my gynecologist, and two blood tests for my thyroid and prolactin counts, which came back normal. Unfortunately, a 10-minute consult and two blood tests cost $450 and were not covered by insurance.
That kind of put things on hold for a while. Now that we're considered officially infertile (infertility is described as one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse without a pregnancy), we're going to start investigating a bit more. Hal's new insurance, to our great joy, offers 50% coverage of infertility diagnostics and treatments, which is another reason why we've dropped my insurance and moved to his. I'm very excited for March to begin so we can get on with this process. The next step is for me to get a complete blood workup to make sure my hormone levels are normal, and then poor Hal has to submit a . . . *ahem* . . . sample for evaluation. We'll have to see what our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) tells us to do from there.
So, yeah. It's been tough, and I can't lie and say that I haven't felt a moment of pain and stinging jealousy when friends announce that they're pregnant (my best friend, K, is also due in August), but that does not diminish my joy for my friends when they announce their good news. It's just a little bit tough to deal with now and then.
I welcome you to read this list of infertility myths and facts -- if anything good comes out of this, I'd like it to be educating other people so they don't say hurtful things like, "You're too stressed out, just relax and you'll get pregnant" without understanding what infertility really entails. Another great page to read is this one on Infertility Etiquette.
So -- sorry this turned into a sermon, ladies. I'm becoming a crotchety old lady before my time. At least that's what my ovaries think.”
Hey – if I’ve gotta be infertile, I might as well do my part to de-ignorant-ize the world, yes?
Note that J called me about a week later and we had a nice chat. All is well in Mollyland.
So, that’s enough of me for now. Expect more frequent posts in the next few weeks – of course, I’ll be fashion-blogging the Oscars, and then I’ll have to give you the update on my appointment next week. Take heart, friends. Molly has not forsaken you.
11:50 Posted in Me. | Permalink | Comments (25) | Email this
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Comments
Hooray, you're back!
Good for you for letting your friends know what's going on. I am mentally debating telling our families about our current situation.
I didn't see this included in the list, but Tertia's How to be Friends with an Infertile is wonderful.
http://tinyurl.com/g4l4j
Posted by: EJW | 02/28/2006
Well done!
And it's good to hear from you!
And I'm more jealous than ever that I don't live anywhere near Minneapolis!
Posted by: lindy | 02/28/2006
I'm so glad you're willing to be honest with your friends about what you're going thru (both for your sake and theirs... people have to be eder-cated).
Posted by: mm | 02/28/2006
Glad to hear all is well with you. And I commend you for being so upfront and honest with your friends. I think you're right in that the least we can do is educate others on the realities of infertility.
Posted by: Mellie | 02/28/2006
If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, the key is in unclenching the genitals. Do I have to fly 4500 miles from the comfort of my sofa to provide a seminar for you?
I've only just told my very closest real-life friends about the infertility thing. Yeah, I waited until I was 13 weeks into a hopefully permanant pregnancy to break out the big guns. I just didn't want them to think that this was any ordinary situation. I admire you for being upfront, which will hopefully mean you avoid future asshattery when they are involved.
Since you were unearthing secrets and putting it all out there, did you mention your recent freakish giant fetish?
Posted by: MsPrufrock | 02/28/2006
I think it's a great letter and hopefully, it will prevent some other infertile down the line from being hurt inadvertently. Education is always good.
Glad you're back. I missed you.
Posted by: wessel | 02/28/2006
Good for you - so your friend got it I presume?
Posted by: T | 02/28/2006
Thank GAWD you're back...
So... did you actually SEND this email??? I'm really hoping so... or did you just write the email you WANTED to send...
And hello.... uterine squatters???? BWAAAAHHHAHHAA omigod... I LOVE it... So freakin' funny.
And by the way... have you noticed that YOUR words will live on 4evah in infertile bloglandia??? Crimson Bitch now appears to be the wording of choice for many a blogger...
How COOL is that!
Just like I'm rather tickled at the notion of others adopting the use of the Infertile/Barren Bitch Brigade...
Anyway... we should have predictions on your blog AHEAD of the Oscars... as to whom will be wearing what... who will be a hit... and who will be a miss.
Posted by: Manuela | 02/28/2006
I'm so glad you're back!
I think the email is genius. Great resource links, too. Sometimes you just have to lay it out like that.
Can't wait for your award night fashion blogging. Always great fun!
And good luck with your new insurance coverage/RE-to-be, etc. Hopefully this will be the start of something really good.
Posted by: pixi | 02/28/2006
Hey welcome back, you were missed!
Loved your email, although "uterine squatters" made me snortlaugh in a terribly unflattering way.
Congrats on the insurance coverage. I remember when our new insurance started picking up the tab I thought I'd died and gone to live in some infertile-friendly heaven. It was awesome. :-)
Posted by: Mary-Mia | 02/28/2006
Beautiful! (And I love your use of the word "de-ignorant-ize" to boot!
Definitely should pave the way toward a little education, because there's nothing quite so painful as to have someone who knows what you're going through bulldoze right over you with their pregnancy bliss without prefacing it with, "I'm sorry, feel bad telling you but ... "
Posted by: Laurie | 02/28/2006
HOLY CRAP!!! You wrote that to your pals? THAT IS AWESOME. That's the best "here is what's up" response I've ever heard. . . . props to you.
Looking forward to see more of your posts.
Posted by: md | 02/28/2006
Welcome back!! Fabulously written email; I loved all the links you provided them. As for uterine squatters - I about choked on this horrible sandwich I am eating as I toil away at my office getting so much work done (ok, so I'm reading blogs - don't tell) - you are hysterical.
Posted by: Beth | 03/01/2006
Molly? Molly who?
WHERE THE EFF HAVE YOU BEEN???
That letter kicks ass, by the way. Well said.
Posted by: cali | 03/01/2006
Great email! I'm glad that J called you and you guys had a good chat. I find it rather cathartic to open up and try to educate others about IF rather than internalize the pain whenever those birth announcements pop up.
Glad you're back! I've fairly recently been introduced to your blog and have been eagerly anticipating the next post. Keep 'em coming!
Posted by: Ornery | 03/01/2006
I LOVE the email! Good for you!
I hope your appt. goes well. I will be checking in to see an update......
Posted by: Tiffanni | 03/01/2006
Fantastically brave! I've thought about sending inferti-updates, but never have the courage.
Posted by: Larisa | 03/02/2006
First time here, and I thought I would say hello. That was an excellent post if I may say so myself! I will stop by again soon, so no more three week vacations from Blogland!
Posted by: nosouthernbelle | 03/03/2006
MOLLY!! Oh how I have missed your posts, my sweet, shiny-haired friend.
Fabulous educational email--obviously your balls are as big as your cleavage, and good for you. I look forward to hearing about the RE consult (although I would rather that you find out you are pregnant in a few days, rendering the whole thing moot) and to your Oscars fashion-blogging (I may do a little of that myself...).
And if any midwesterners reading this haven't written Molly yet about Confabulous: Part Deux, please do! It will be such fun, i promise.
Posted by: Alexa | 03/03/2006
Good for you for educating your friends.
Posted by: Lut C. | 03/04/2006
I am looking forward to the Oscar blogging!
I hope your infertile e-mail helps but sadly, most of the time in my experience, these things go straight over the tops of people's heads as they don't want to think about it. I hope your friends are cooler!
Posted by: Pamplemousse | 03/05/2006
Good to hear from you. Alas, I cannot attend the Confabulous, as I am down here in the tropics avoiding the Minnesota winter.
Actually sort of missing MSP at the moment. . .
Posted by: Erin | 03/05/2006
I have to admit to having checked in today just in case you'd already blogged the oscars. Hopeful? Of course? Unrealistic? Why the hell not?
Well done on that letter, I hope you get some sensitive responses.
Posted by: thalia | 03/06/2006
Fantastic email to your friends. Worthy of a link of it's own. Jenn (http://www.jennsjournal.net/archives/2006/02/we_the_infertil.php) also wrote a link-worthy infertiles manifesto recently.
I HATE the mass emails when people know you're having issues with getting pregnant. Two of my friends from high school had kids last summer, and have routinely sent out "look at my baby's picture" mass emails. I honestly don't mind the pictures.... but an individual email, with a "hey, how are YOU doing" thrown in there wouldn't hurt! I've taken to not responding to any of those mass mailings. If they don't care about how I'm doing, I see no need to tell them how cute their son is. (What I find particularly galling is that I would have thought one of them would be more sensitive, considering it took her three years to conceive!)
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Glad you're finally going to be able to get some diagnostics done, and I hope that they reveal your problem in short order. (Going under the theory that it's better to have a problem that can potentially be fixed, rather than being 'unexplained').
Posted by: Nico | 03/07/2006
You TOTALLY rock! Snaps to you girl, for being so upfront and willing to educate as well.
Posted by: Panda | 03/09/2006
The comments are closed.