Mollywogger

The time has come for the deep-seated snarkiness inside me to spread its wings and take flight – for lo, the Golden Globes have come to pass, and there is snark to be spread.

 

Fashion-wise, last night’s Golden Globes were the equivalent of two Ambien and a bottle of scotch.  Seas of black, white, and metallic tones.  I’ve never seen so many nearly-identical dresses.  Case in point:

 

 

 

 

 

Zzzzzz.  As a result of the extreme fashion monotony, a woman who in past years may merely have been considered “meh” may now make many best-dressed lists.  Nonetheless, there were some good-looking ladies there.  A tip of the hat to these beautiful dresses and the ladies in them:

 

Best Dressed Women

 

7. Jennifer Lopez

 

I loved the draped, sari-inspired quality of this Marchesa gown.  It was definitely an original and stood out among all of the tailored, fussy, Grecian-inspired dresses that walked down the red carpet.  A sleek, exotic look.

 

6. Drew Barrymore

 

Drew deserves kudos if only for looking 8 million times better than she did at last year’s Globes.  This John Galliano for Christian Dior gown was the only delicate pink dress on the runway, and its beautiful shape fits her well.  A golden tan and minimal accessories complete the look.

 

5. Katherine Heigl

 

I’ve been impressed with Ms. Heigl’s red carpet acumen.  She draws inspiration from Old Hollywood and chose this, one of the few black dresses to really stand out.  The shape is flattering to her fantastic figure, though I would like to see her hair a bit looser and more free.

 

4. Penelope Cruz

 

3. Helen Mirren

Everyone who knows me knows that I love Dame Helen.  This woman of a certain age knows how to dress herself and does it very well.  Turquoise was one of the few colors that made an appearance last night, and Ms. Mirren looked fantastic in this draped cleavage-bearing number.  If you’ve got it (and damn, girlfriend has got it), flaunt it!

 

2. America Ferrera

 

Purple was another color that appeared on the carpet, and America Ferrera had the best purple dress of the bunch.  This custom-made Brian Reyes gown was beautifully-detailed, age-appropriate, and showcased her beautiful skin and bright smile.

 

1. Jennifer Hudson

Ms. Hudson has definitely created a fantastic fashion sense for herself, and has found a beautiful, classic gown that flatters her figure.  The glowing skin, deep lip color and beautiful loose curls complete this classic look.

 

 

Honorable Mention

 
Jada Pinkett-Smith

Always manages to look flawless.  Has done so once again in this beautiful peach gown.  Kudos to her for wearing a color that no one else was wearing.

 

Abigail Breslin

 

Ashley Jensen

Color!  Hooray!  Ashley Jensen starred in Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s Extras and has recently joined the cast of Ugly Betty.  This fitted red gown is fantastic and she wears it well.

 

Ali Larter

 

I will honor one white dress, and this is it.  Ali Larter of Heroes wears this Reem Acra gown beautifully – it fits well and flows nicely, and her hair and accessories look great.

 

Reese Witherspoon

 

When I saw Reese, I was just struck with the cuteness and had to add her to the list.  This little canary yellow Nina Ricci cocktail dress shows daring on the part of the newly-single Reese, and her sleek hair, blunt bangs, and darling red shoes complete the look.

 

 

Best Dressed – Men

 
Most men were in classic black and white this year, so I applaud these two for stepping outside the box.

 

Daniel Dae Kim

 

OK, I partly posted a picture of him just because I like to look at him.  But I also cheer his individuality in choosing a sleek periwinkle tie.  And I like to look at him.

 

Djimon Hounsou

Fantastic.  The silver tie, the shaved head, the whole look.  Well done, sir.

 

 

Best-Dressed – Couples

Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy

Of course, everyone’s perennial favorites were there and looking great.  She wore dramatic eye makeup and one of tonight’s colors, dark turquoise, and he looks great in a classic black-tie tux.

 

Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham

Wahlberg looks sleek and classy in this three-button tux, and he’s got a delicious piece of arm-candy with him.  Ms. Durham is beautiful in this black gown with a navy sash.  Well done, you two.

 

Jack and Lorraine Nicholson

Jack and his daughter look great tonight.  Of course, he’s sporting the sunglasses and the unkempt hair, but I guess national treasures can get away with a little bit of the crazy.  His daughter, Miss Golden Globe, is in one of the best gowns of the night, beautifully detailed and perfectly fitted to her teeny-tiny figure.

 

Ken Watanabe and Kaho Minami

I love the little polka dots on his tie, though he’s another one who would look fantastic in a cardboard box.  He looks good a little bit scruffy, no?  His beautiful wife’s skin glows in this lovely delicate green kimono.

 

Jim and Pam

OK, they’re not a couple, but I love John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer, and they look great.  Beautiful dress, nice looking suit, great hair.  OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU JIM!  *ahem*

 

But not everything at the Globes was sunshine and roses.  There were a few shit-piles amidst the rainbows.

 

Worst Dressed

 

7. Jennifer Love Hewitt

Oh, honey.  Don’t you understand that you are petite and this dress is huge?  Huge and shiny and leafy and be-bowed?  You’re a pretty girl, Jen.  Let’s pull it together.

 

6. Jennifer Garner

Jen #2 on the list usually looks pretty good at awards shows.  But this vintage Gaultier is just a miss in every category.  Shapeless, flat, dull.  As I recall, Ms. Garner does have breasts.  They seem to have been swallowed by this boring dress.

 

5. Jeremy Irons

It looks like the good Mr. Irons was about to step onstage to portray Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet when a lustful wench in bright red lipstick grabbed him, brazenly kissed his vest, then threw him on to the red carpet.  Dude could also use a shave.

 

4. Mia Maestro

This Alias beauty is either hiding an advanced pregnancy, or doesn’t understand that a dress is generally not supposed to resemble a pannis.

 

3. Gillian Anderson

I hate to do it, because I am a hard-core X-Phile (and because my husband will probably not speak to me after he reads this – he’s probably already worked up about my insulting Jennifer Love Hewitt (alternate names: Jennifer Love Hugetits or Jennifer Love Spew It)), but oh.  Oh, Gillian.  As Ms. Prufrock says, “That looks like it came off the bargain rack at T.J. Maxx.”  And I think I wore something like it, black nylons and all, to my 8^th grade graduation.  In 1992. 

 

2. Patricia Arquette

Hooooo boy.  This dress just . . . gah.  It tires me.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  As for the hair, it's very David Bowie, circa Diamond Dogs.

 

1. Rinko Kikuchi

What the fuck is going on here?  Is that a dress or the remains of a poodle?  My god.  It’s even got shoulder bows (remember shoulder bows?  Never a good choice.)  The only good thing I can say is thank god she isn’t wearing those horrific shoes.

 

 
Dishonorable Mention

 
Beyonce

Next time don’t forget, Beyonce – you’re supposed to change after you get off the pole. 

 

Vanessa Williams

And this one’s more like David Bowie circa Space Oddity. 

 

Well, what did you think?