Mollywogger

Grrrr . . .

2007-02-27T15:29:52-06:00

I'm getting a bit fed up with Blogspirit -- it's not allowing me to post pictures in my mammoth Oscars post. So, at least for the time being, I'm headed back to Blogger.

Go to http://mollywogger.blogspot.com/ to check out my 2007 Oscar fashion report -- and make sure to change my address in Bloglines!

Globestravaganza 2007

2007-01-16T13:23:49-06:00

The time has come for the deep-seated snarkiness inside me to spread its wings and take flight – for lo, the Golden Globes have come to pass, and there is snark to be spread.

Fashion-wise, last night’s Golden Globes were the equivalent of two Ambien and a bottle of scotch. Seas of black, white, and metallic tones. I’ve never seen so many nearly-identical dresses. Case in point:

Zzzzzz. As a result of the extreme fashion monotony, a woman who in past years may merely have been considered “meh” may now make many best-dressed lists. Nonetheless, there were some good-looking ladies there. A tip of the hat to these beautiful dresses and the ladies in them:

Best Dressed Women

7. Jennifer Lopez

I loved the draped, sari-inspired quality of this Marchesa gown. It was definitely an original and stood out among all of the tailored, fussy, Grecian-inspired dresses that walked down the red carpet. A sleek, exotic look.

6. Drew Barrymore

Drew deserves kudos if only for looking 8 million times better than she did at last year’s Globes. This John Galliano for Christian Dior gown was the only delicate pink dress on the runway, and its beautiful shape fits her well. A golden tan and minimal accessories complete the look.

5. Katherine Heigl

I’ve been impressed with Ms. Heigl’s red carpet acumen. She draws inspiration from Old Hollywood and chose this, one of the few black dresses to really stand out. The shape is flattering to her fantastic figure, though I would like to see her hair a bit looser and more free.

4. Penelope Cruz

This Chanel couture dress has the beautiful, Spanish-inspired shape of Ms. Cruz’s homeland, and the tiny sleeves and gold ornamentation, along with her soft hairstyle, make this dress stand out from the crowd.

3. Helen Mirren

Everyone who knows me knows that I love Dame Helen. This woman of a certain age knows how to dress herself and does it very well. Turquoise was one of the few colors that made an appearance last night, and Ms. Mirren looked fantastic in this draped cleavage-bearing number. If you’ve got it (and damn, girlfriend has got it), flaunt it!

2. America Ferrera

Purple was another color that appeared on the carpet, and America Ferrera had the best purple dress of the bunch. This custom-made Brian Reyes gown was beautifully-detailed, age-appropriate, and showcased her beautiful skin and bright smile.

1. Jennifer Hudson

Ms. Hudson has definitely created a fantastic fashion sense for herself, and has found a beautiful, classic gown that flatters her figure. The glowing skin, deep lip color and beautiful loose curls complete this classic look.

Honorable Mention

Jada Pinkett-Smith

Always manages to look flawless. Has done so once again in this beautiful peach gown. Kudos to her for wearing a color that no one else was wearing.

Abigail Breslin

I love seeing a little girl look like a little girl and not a little slut. This cutie is wearing a dress designed for her by Little Miss Sunshine’s costume designer, Nancy Steiner.

Ashley Jensen

Color! Hooray! Ashley Jensen starred in Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s Extras and has recently joined the cast of Ugly Betty. This fitted red gown is fantastic and she wears it well.

Ali Larter

I will honor one white dress, and this is it. Ali Larter of Heroes wears this Reem Acra gown beautifully – it fits well and flows nicely, and her hair and accessories look great.

Reese Witherspoon

When I saw Reese, I was just struck with the cuteness and had to add her to the list. This little canary yellow Nina Ricci cocktail dress shows daring on the part of the newly-single Reese, and her sleek hair, blunt bangs, and darling red shoes complete the look.

Best Dressed – Men

Most men were in classic black and white this year, so I applaud these two for stepping outside the box.

Daniel Dae Kim

OK, I partly posted a picture of him just because I like to look at him. But I also cheer his individuality in choosing a sleek periwinkle tie. And I like to look at him.

Djimon Hounsou

Fantastic. The silver tie, the shaved head, the whole look. Well done, sir.

Best-Dressed – Couples

Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy

Of course, everyone’s perennial favorites were there and looking great. She wore dramatic eye makeup and one of tonight’s colors, dark turquoise, and he looks great in a classic black-tie tux.

Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham

Wahlberg looks sleek and classy in this three-button tux, and he’s got a delicious piece of arm-candy with him. Ms. Durham is beautiful in this black gown with a navy sash. Well done, you two.

Jack and Lorraine Nicholson

Jack and his daughter look great tonight. Of course, he’s sporting the sunglasses and the unkempt hair, but I guess national treasures can get away with a little bit of the crazy. His daughter, Miss Golden Globe, is in one of the best gowns of the night, beautifully detailed and perfectly fitted to her teeny-tiny figure.

Ken Watanabe and Kaho Minami

I love the little polka dots on his tie, though he’s another one who would look fantastic in a cardboard box. He looks good a little bit scruffy, no? His beautiful wife’s skin glows in this lovely delicate green kimono.

Jim and Pam

OK, they’re not a couple, but I love John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer, and they look great. Beautiful dress, nice looking suit, great hair. OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU JIM! *ahem*

But not everything at the Globes was sunshine and roses. There were a few shit-piles amidst the rainbows.

Worst Dressed

7. Jennifer Love Hewitt

Oh, honey. Don’t you understand that you are petite and this dress is huge? Huge and shiny and leafy and be-bowed? You’re a pretty girl, Jen. Let’s pull it together.

6. Jennifer Garner

Jen #2 on the list usually looks pretty good at awards shows. But this vintage Gaultier is just a miss in every category. Shapeless, flat, dull. As I recall, Ms. Garner does have breasts. They seem to have been swallowed by this boring dress.

5. Jeremy Irons

It looks like the good Mr. Irons was about to step onstage to portray Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet when a lustful wench in bright red lipstick grabbed him, brazenly kissed his vest, then threw him on to the red carpet. Dude could also use a shave.

4. Mia Maestro

This Alias beauty is either hiding an advanced pregnancy, or doesn’t understand that a dress is generally not supposed to resemble a pannis.

3. Gillian Anderson

I hate to do it, because I am a hard-core X-Phile (and because my husband will probably not speak to me after he reads this – he’s probably already worked up about my insulting Jennifer Love Hewitt (alternate names: Jennifer Love Hugetits or Jennifer Love Spew It)), but oh. Oh, Gillian. As Ms. Prufrock says, “That looks like it came off the bargain rack at T.J. Maxx.” And I think I wore something like it, black nylons and all, to my 8^th grade graduation. In 1992.

2. Patricia Arquette

Hooooo boy. This dress just . . . gah. It tires me. I don’t even want to talk about it. As for the hair, it's very David Bowie, circa Diamond Dogs.

1. Rinko Kikuchi

What the fuck is going on here? Is that a dress or the remains of a poodle? My god. It’s even got shoulder bows (remember shoulder bows? Never a good choice.) The only good thing I can say is thank god she isn’t wearing those horrific shoes.

Dishonorable Mention

Beyonce

Next time don’t forget, Beyonce – you’re supposed to change after you get off the pole.

Vanessa Williams

And this one’s more like David Bowie circa Space Oddity.

Well, what did you think?

Mea Culpa

2007-01-09T12:05:47-06:00

Sorry ladies. This whole not-updating-my-blog thing has gotten out of hand. The way it has looked for two months (christ!), I’ve been wallowing in a cauldron with equal parts grief, depression, and self-pity. Please let me assure you that that is far from the truth – I am still in one piece and still kicking – I just didn’t feel like I had much to say.

But I should really find something to say, because the Golden Globes are coming up on Monday (Monday!) and lord knows that I’ll have to post then. I had better get a warm-up post in to verify that the snark is fully engaged.

We just got back on Thursday from our annual trip out to see the in-laws in Montana. It’s hard to complain when this is what you see from your back porch:

We sledded in Glacier National Park:

And enjoyed a wonderful family Christmas:

All in all, a great success.

Hal and I are kind of taking a break on the reproduction right now. I’m trying to figure out what the hell my uterus is up to – my last two cycles have been 18 and 21 days long, so something’s going on. I’m just sick of thinking about it at this point.

Classes start again in two weeks. I’ve been packing in as much novel-reading as I can during winter break. I finished A.S. Byatt’s fabulous Possession in Montana, and now I’m halfway through Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks. I’m still deciding how I feel about it. The next two on my list are The Living by Annie Dillard (her first novel) and March by Geraldine Brooks.

Anyway, thanks for your concern over my whereabouts. I’ll do my best not to disappear for so long again. How is everyone else keeping busy?

Thanks, Wisconsin. And: bad news.

2006-11-10T08:57:27-06:00

You know how sometimes when a week ends and even though you’re an atheist, you think, “Thank Christ that is over.”

Yeah. That was pretty much this week.

Monday started off bright and early with a negative pregnancy test (I know – my own damn fault). Went to work and immediately was confronted with the knowledge that I had seriously fucked something up the week before, leading to berating from a bitchy patron. Then came the news that my grandma (my only living grandparent) was in congestive heart failure and needed to have a pacemaker put in. At 85 years old, without any real health problems besides arthritis, this was a surprise.

Tuesday was remarkably better. Grandma had her pacemaker put in and everything went really well. I may or may not have told you that I’m currently doing an internship in document conservation through a local museum. I found it deliciously coincidental that I was working on mending and encapsulating (creating an envelope out of Mylar plastic for protection) this campaign poster on election day:

Tuesday night after voting, I was pleased to curl up in bed and watch the election returns. Things certainly did seem to be going well for the Dems. But I had a headache by then, so I didn’t stay up too late.

Wednesday I woke up to that headache squeezing my head in a vise and demanding that I stay home, which I did. I missed class that night as well. I also got my period, which was fun. Though I was proud to see that the Democrats had taken the House and Senate, I was beyond disgusted with the State of Wisconsin for two reasons:

1. Voting to advise the state leadership to instate the death penalty in Wisconsin.

2. Voting to outlaw recognition of gay marriage or any type of gay civil union in the state.

Really. I couldn’t believe how absolutely backwards we were.

There are ways in which I’m very proud of my adopted home state – or at least the district I’m in, which includes liberal Madison. My district put Russ Feingold in the U.S. Senate – one of the most vocal opponents to the Bush administration, and the only U.S. Senator who voted against Bush’s Patriot Act. My district also elected Tammy Baldwin to the House of Representatives – the first non-incumbent openly gay person elected to Congress. Too bad her partner can’t receive benefits in the State of Wisconsin.

The rest of Wisconsin, however, made decisions that all of us will have to live with.

On Wednesday I also found out that my grandma was in terrible pain from a blood clot in her leg, and they had to do surgery. The surgery did not go well – it took twice as long as it should have taken – and the doctors informed my family that grandma didn’t have long left.

Thursday my headache seemed to be even worse, so I stayed in bed and took a Vicodin, which gave me some seriously fucked up dreams but finally made me feel better. I dragged myself to work that afternoon only to receive a call from my sister at 6:15 telling me that Grandma had just died. The funeral’s on Sunday. And my grandma never had great-grandchildren, and my children will never know her.

Thank Christ this week is over.

Adventures in Retail

2006-11-03T09:17:25-06:00

Last night I pulled into our parking garage after a trip to the brand new Trader Joe’s that everyone’s creaming their pants over. You know, the one that’s so busy that if you stand looking at anything more than five seconds, Impatient McAntsy-Pants behind you will start tapping her foot and staring at you pointedly. Of course, despite the crowds, I purchased mounds of delicious, unusual organic food for a tiny price – sparkling pomegranate juice! Carrot and ginger soup! Breaded eggplant cutlets! Things are looking up in our kitchen.

I pulled my bags out of the car, and a jar of Tomato-Basil Marinara dropped through a hole in a bag, smashing and spreading its contents out over about 8 square feet of parking garage floor. And my pants.

Perhaps this is sneaky Trader Joe’s way of encouraging people to use paper – better for the environment! Go hug a tree!

But then again, there’s nothing as fun as scrubbing the floor of a dimly-lit parking garage after a hard day’s work.

NaBloPoMolly-Style

2006-11-03T09:17:59-06:00

In honor of NaBloPoMo, I’m starting small. I’m going to try to push my blog posts up to at least once a week.

I know. Don’t strain yourself, Molly.

I realized I hadn’t given you a update on the nether regions in a while, so enjoy:

Currently cycle day 22, 8 DPO of our 4^th Clomid cycle. There won’t be many more, if any. After which point . . . I don’t really want to think about that right now.

Hey, as of next month we will have been trying to conceive two years! Now that’s an anniversary to celebrate.

Things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

-Dropping your iPod in the toilet can cause serious damage (Shiiiiiit). (And yes, I had flushed).

-For being 64 years old, Barbra Streisand can still rock the fucking house (saw her in Minneapolis last Tuesday).

-The weird-looking lobster-guy on Futurama is named Dr. Zoidberg (I can never remember).

-When vaginal progesterone suppositories are kept refrigerated, they’re that much more uncomfortable to insert.

-I hate the word “insert.” I can never hear it without thinking of tampons.

-My husband is a strange, strange man (see previous post).

-Sometimes, even Sean Connery looks bad.

-You know when you think, “This assignment won’t take long a-tall,” and then it takes five hours? Yeah.

In other news, I’m looking forward to this so desperately that I can hardly think straight.

What have you learned in the past two weeks?

Every Day is an Adventure

2006-10-20T11:41:14-05:00

I’ve given you examples before of how my husband will suddenly say, in all seriousness, the most baffling things I’ve ever heard.

Some of my favorites that I haven’t mentioned before include his telling me what he would ever do if he was in jail to avoid being raped. Recent ideas include spreading a rumor that he has AIDS or sticking razor blades up his ass. Or, if he was ever on death row, he would eat a huge bowl of chili right before he was executed since people shit themselves after death and he would want the wardens to have to clean it up.

However, this morning’s exchange takes the cake:

Hal: Hey Molly?

Me: Yeah?

Hal: If you ever decide to kill me by poisoning me, tell the police who come to get the body that I’m Jewish. That way they’ll bury me that night and there won’t be time to perform an autopsy.

Me: So, wait . . . basically, you’ve just told me how to get away with your murder. Uh, why?

Hal: Because you’re my wife and I love you and I don’t want you to go to jail.

[pause]

Hal: But don’t kill me, please.

Follow-up

2006-09-27T16:16:10-05:00

Remember when I introduced you all to the subversive sidewalk art of Madison? I found this one today, and all I can say is, "Sound advice."

And also, just for the cuteness of it, my cats:

A different meme

2006-09-24T14:02:26-05:00

Number of days since my last post: 27

Number of times I’ve felt guilty for not posting in 27 days: 4,672,532

Clomid Cycle Number: 3

Cycle Day: 14

Follicles on Day 12: 3 – 20, 20.5, and 21

Lining on Day 12: 5.0 in one horn, 5.8 in the other

Number of times I freaked out over my shit lining:4

Number of acupuncture appointments I’ve had: 1

What my acupuncturist said when I described my symptoms: “Everything you’re presenting indicates poor circulation.”

Number of days until next acupuncture appointment: 5

Household cleaning product I’m thinking of divorcing my husband to marry: Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (do you ladies have those in Europe? If not, shit, I’ll send you some)

Amount of stress caused by working full-time and going to school full-time: gobs

Number of days since I shaved my legs: 11

Currently reading: Selecting and Appraising Archives and Manuscripts by Frank Boles

Hours of homework I have to do today: 8-10

What I’m doing instead: blogging

The Emmy Awards Fashionstravaganza

2006-08-28T12:03:56-05:00

The 58^th Annual Emmy Awards are a nice departure from the Oscars and Golden Globes – dresses are smaller and sleeker, hair comes down, and men tend to dress down just a bit to provide more variety. As always, Molly is here to provide the gold stars and, when needed, the snark.

Best Dressed – Women

Debra Messing – This beautiful Alberta Ferretti can do no wrong. The empire waist accentuates her bustline and does wonders for her figure. The tiered ruffles are lengthening, and it was lovely to see this airy, cream-colored dress amid all of the purples and blacks that walked down the runway. The swept-back hair and face-framing bangs, along with Cartier jewels, finish the look.

Helen Mirren – Dame Helen’s dress is quite similar to Debra Messing’s – to which I say, “Well done, Ms. Mirren!” I absolutely love it when women of a certain age refuse to wear clothes make them look, as my sister-in-law said, like “the mother of the bride.” Dame Helen has a fabulous figure and a golden tan that she most certainly should show off. The tiers add length to her petite, 5’4” frame, and the emerald around her neck adds a queenly air. Even the guy in the background is thinking, “I’d totally hit that.”

Allison Janney – I think this dress is fantastic. I laud Ms. Janney for busting out the red when so many women played it safe. The tiers are elegant, and the necklace adds a bit of kicky flapper flair. Add matching lipstick and sleek hair, and the whole package looks good.

Kathy Griffin – This one was tough for me to admit, mainly because I usually find Kathy Griffin shrill. But you must admit that this is a beautiful dress. She’s got a cute little figure and beautiful skin, which the color and the tailoring of the dress flatter. Everything from the neck up, however, looks a bit . . . um . . . pulled. I’d love to see her hair down – it might soften her severely facelifted visage.

Jaime Pressly – Jaime seems to make good choices when it comes to award shows. She wore the color of the night – eggplant – with this beautiful dress that manages to accentuate her bustline, slim waist, and sunkissed skin. The minimalist jewelry and hair style let the beautiful dress have center stage.

Honorable Mention

Katherine Heigl – This Escada is stunning. Beautifully made and fits her perfectly. It’s nice to see a dress like this on a woman who has a little bit of curve, rather than a waif. The hair is a bit too tight for me, but overall the look has Hollwood glamour written all over it. Well done.

Tina Fey – I am a sucker for green, and I think this dress is lovely. She’s got a nice figure, and the detailing accentuates her slim waistline. The square emerald pendant around her neck mirrors the square in the middle of her dress.

Sarah Chalke – This look is a breath of fresh air – light and romantic. The dress is pretty and fits her well, and I love the loose, upswept hairstyle. A cute clutch and shoes complete the look.

Virginia Madsen – I think she looks fabulous. If you’ve got cleavage like that, I say work it. The smoky eyes and loose, curly updo are beautiful. She’s also in the two hot colors of the night – black and eggplant.

Best Dressed - Men

Michael Ealy – This Sleeper Cell star is looking good. After seeing him as Tea Cake in Their Eyes Were Watching God, I knew that this would be someone to keep an eye on. Speaking of eyes, watch what happens when he takes off those sunglasses:

Hello gorgeous.

Dennis Haysbert – Classic styling. This three-piece suit adds elegance to his 6’4” frame. Looking good.

Jon Krasinski - OK, so I mostly just wanted a gratuitous picture of Jim from The Office up on my blog. I love the suit-tie combo, and I like to see his hair combed back. 6’3” inches of perfect cuteness.

Best Dressed – Couples

Heidi Klum and Seal – At 6 months pregnant, Heidi wears this Michael Kors beautifully. The hair is cute, and anyonewho can show that much leg while pregnant deserves a medal. Seal looks handsome in his skinny tie and classic tux as well.

Anette Bening and Warren Beatty – These two look classic – elegant and old Hollywood. Her below-the-knee dress is classy yet cute and adds a youthful glow. I also applaud her for looking great in red lipstick. Beatty, as always, looks classic.

Worst Dressed – Women

Dana Devon – Really, as we saw at last year's Golden Globes, we should not expect much from her. But look at this monstrosity! From the empire waist up, she looks darling. From the waist down, she looks black, white, red, and crappy all over. The colors and gauzy texture are just unflattering.

Stockard Channing – Yawn. Oh, a black dress. How fascinating. Turquoise? Just a kind of weird jewelry choice for a black dress. But the worst part? The hair.

As Ms. Prufrock said, “She looks like Nick Nolte’s mugshot.”

Portia de Rossi – I just can not warm up to this dress. The weird shape of the detailing and the flowery halter just don’t sit well with me. Neither, I must add, do her eyebrows. When you’re hitting the peroxide, Portia dear, black eyebrows are just not a good choice.

Phoebe Price – What in the hell is going on here? It looks like a vegetarian with a craving for pumpkins just vomited all over a flamenco dancer. I was surprised to find, in looking up Ms. Price on IMDB, that she is actually quite young and generally good-looking (though she clearly has had some facial work done and regularly makes highly questionable fashion choices). In this dress she looks like your 56-year-old aunt who shows up drunk at weddings and tries to seduce the groomsmen.

Kim Caldwell – Why is she still around? She was on American Idol two years ago – why can’t she fade into oblivion like all of the rest of them? (Really, who’s seen Ruben Studdard lately?) This ill-fitting dress looks like a bed sheet that was used to clean up affected sea life after an oil slick. And as far as her “hair” goes – I didn’t know that stylists had a ready supply of dead albino squirrels.

Sandra Oh – I hate doing this, because I think she’s great, but I’ve just not been impressed with her award show style. To take a beautiful Grecian-styled Vera Wang and add Mr. T’s accessories was just not a good choice. Unfortunate, since her hair and makeup look beautiful.

Least Honorable Mention

Lara Spencer – I have a soft spot in my heart for Lara, as she used to host Antiques Roadshow on PBS. But this dress just . . . ugh. She looks like a highlighter that survived a head-on collision with a zebra. As for her hairstyle, she’d be a hit at parent-teacher conferences.

Cheryl Hines – I hate doing this, since I love Curb Your Enthusiasm and I love Cheryl Hines. Pretty color, beautiful hair and makeup, but the back of the dress looks like something out of the Miss Kentucky pageant. Made by Elton John.

Worst Dressed – Men

Simon Cowell - Oh Christ, Simon. Button up your fucking shirt.

Wentworth Miller – How do you turn a smolderingly good-looking guy into a total dork? By dressing him in a tux with too many buttons and adding an unfortunate, sad little bowtie. A pity. Three- or even four-button suits can look great when paired with a regular tie.

Worst Dressed – Couple

Danny and Gretchen Bonaduce – Hooooooo boy. This dress looks like it was made out of my best friend’s bedroom comforter, circa 1990. Remember when everything was purple and teal satin? Danny doesn’t look quite as terrifying, but he’s also sporting the visible chest hair – which, in my opinion, is seldom necessary at an awards show (see Cowell, Simon).

People I’m not even going to waste my time with

-Eva Longoria (snore)

-Paris Hilton (*eye roll*)

Two other Emmy pictures that I love

Three of the funniest men in the world

Everyone’s favorite Deadwood prostitutes, partying it up.