Mollywogger

Last night I pulled into our parking garage after a trip to the brand new Trader Joe’s that everyone’s creaming their pants over.  You know, the one that’s so busy that if you stand looking at anything more than five seconds, Impatient McAntsy-Pants behind you will start tapping her foot and staring at you pointedly.  Of course, despite the crowds, I purchased mounds of delicious, unusual organic food for a tiny price – sparkling pomegranate juice!  Carrot and ginger soup!  Breaded eggplant cutlets!  Things are looking up in our kitchen.

 

I pulled my bags out of the car, and a jar of Tomato-Basil Marinara dropped through a hole in a bag, smashing and spreading its contents out over about 8 square feet of parking garage floor.  And my pants.

 

Perhaps this is sneaky Trader Joe’s way of encouraging people to use paper – better for the environment!  Go hug a tree!

 

But then again, there’s nothing as fun as scrubbing the floor of a dimly-lit parking garage after a hard day’s work.

In honor of NaBloPoMo, I’m starting small.  I’m going to try to push my blog posts up to at least once a week.

 

I know.  Don’t strain yourself, Molly.

 

I realized I hadn’t given you a update on the nether regions in a while, so enjoy:

 

Currently cycle day 22, 8 DPO of our 4^th Clomid cycle.  There won’t be many more, if any.  After which point . . . I don’t really want to think about that right now.

 

Hey, as of next month we will have been trying to conceive two years!  Now that’s an anniversary to celebrate.

 

Things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

 

-Dropping your iPod in the toilet can cause serious damage (Shiiiiiit).  (And yes, I had flushed).

 

-For being 64 years old, Barbra Streisand can still rock the fucking house (saw her in Minneapolis last Tuesday).

 

-The weird-looking lobster-guy on Futurama is named Dr. Zoidberg (I can never remember).

 

-When vaginal progesterone suppositories are kept refrigerated, they’re that much more uncomfortable to insert.

 

-I hate the word “insert.”  I can never hear it without thinking of tampons.

 

-My husband is a strange, strange man (see previous post).

 

-Sometimes, even Sean Connery looks bad.

 

-You know when you think, “This assignment won’t take long a-tall,” and then it takes five hours?  Yeah.

 

In other news, I’m looking forward to this so desperately that I can hardly think straight.

 

What have you learned in the past two weeks?

The lovely rockmama-in-waiting tagged me for this one.

 

One book that changed your life:

As a young person: Constance: A Tale of Early Plymouth.  This was my first foray into historical fiction, and I was hooked.  Now, most of the books I read are history or historical fiction.

As an Adult:  A fascinating book called A Midwife’s Tale: The Life of Martha Ballard, Based On Her Diary, 1785-1812.  In this book the author, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, closely studies Martha Ballard’s diary of midwifery in early New England.  Ulrich uses entries in Ballard’s diary to take a closer look at 18^th century American law, medicine, housekeeping, economics, and social life.  This book made me want to be an archivist.  (More info on Martha Ballard here)

 
One book that you've read more than once: See above.  Both of those have definitely been more than once.

 
One book you would want on a desert island: I’ve agonized over this one.  I suppose something like this would be the most practical, but then I thought, “Well, I’d be alive, but I’d probably be bored.”  So my real pick is East of Eden by John Steinbeck.  I hugged this book after I finished reading it, it was that good.

One book that made you laugh: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America: A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction.  What’s not to love about Jon Stewart?  Seriously?  Funniest line in the faux textbook is a discussion question at the end of the chapter about the legislature: "If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro,' then isn't Congress the opposite of progress? Or did we just fucking blow your mind?!?"

One book that made you cry: Cold Mountain.  Watching the movie makes me a weeping wreck, so I thought I’d give the book a try and see whether I liked it.  I loved it.  Amazing, lyrical writing, and it’s baffling to think that it’s Charles Frazier’s first novel.  It truly blew me away.

One book that you wish had been written: Oh, my dearest Jane Austen.  She died so young, with the potential for so many more beautiful books.  Now I hang with my homey’s at Austenblog for Jane fun and snark. 

One book that you wish had never been written: The O’Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America’s Families by Bill “Douchebag Magoo” O’Reilly.  I was working at Barnes & Noble when this gem came out, and it took everything in my power to stop myself from defacing this literary turd.  Great, Bill – give ‘em an early start on the stupid!  My true feelings on Mr. O’Reilly are pretty well-explained here.  Check out the bingo game!

The book that you are currently reading: The Six Wives of Henry VIII by Alison Weir.  Thanks to darling Kath for the recommendation.

One book that you have been meaning to read: The History of Love by Nicole Krauss.  Looks like a stunner.

 

OK, Ms. Pru, your turn.  You've got to do something while you're pumping.

 

I'm disgusted with myself for this mass-marketing ploy, but I've got to tell you about Blingo, ya'll.

 

Blingo is a search engine powered by Google where, just by randomly searching, you can win stuff like movie tickets, Visa gift cards, iPods, etc.  Check it out - just use it every time you would have used Google, and you could win a prize.  I know that "a consultation with Dr. Blingo" just does not sound as cool as "a consultation with Dr. Google," but I'm sure you can deal with it if the possibility of a free iPod comes along with it.

 

Check it out - click the button on the left. (Only valid in the U.S.  Sorry, my international friends! Blingo is quite ethnocentric).

 

**Also -- I've created a little library with links for Mullerian Duct Anomalies over yonder on the lower right.

 

***Blingo works! Fellow sister Hoping from Making a Life signed up via my Blingo button and won herself a free movie ticket -- and, since she signed up under me, I won one too!  Thanks, Hoping!

Anyone else read “Overheard in New York?” 

 

 

If only we could hunt this guy down, all of our problems would be solved:

 

Guy: ...and they'd been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn't the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called "There's a Baby on the Way" and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I'd written a song "There's a Baby on the Way" and that I'd written it June 10th. And she's like, "That's the day we found out." And my other friends in LA, they'd been trying and I played them the song and sure enough...

 

--Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Wow, you guys.  A life that included dead-cat-altar building, joint-smoking related concert-barfing, instruction by DD in tango, gigantic-marshmallow burning, mojito-flavored-booger spraying, making out with Jenn, watching reptiles eat amphibians, laughing at Menita as she’s attacked by a probably-rabid raccoon, borrowing sweaters from Prince, eating fermented berries while lost in the Grand Canyon, stealing Wessel’s books, camping with Nico, whoring myself at Band Camp, being whipped by a maniacal ballet teacher, planning to meet Kath in Paris but not specifying where, and clubbing baby seals.  If I had actually lived a life like that, I would have excellent fodder for a lifetime of novels.  As it is, I live a quiet Upper Midwestern existence, deep within the snowbanks, and have little to nothing to write about.

A few months ago I actually sat and wrote down the subjects that I claim some competence in, since most writers would tell you to “write what you know.”  It was then that I realized that there are probably 4.7 people on earth (all relatives) who would want to read a novel about an infertile Girl Scout troop leader with an interest in stamp collection and a ridiculous amount of knowledge of Hildegard of Bingen, 19^th century British novels, and early Barbra Streisand music.  Must gain more life experience first, it seems.  Perhaps I should go find Prince and ask to borrow some of his clothes.  That could fill up a good chapter.

 
Life continues for me.  My psychiatrist is pleased with my hardly-evident SAD symptoms this year, as opposed to last.  Staying on the Zoloft for maintenance, but no need to up the dosage for the low-light months this year.  Trazodone is still giving me the fucked up dreams.  Last night, my dream involved being framed by David Spade for a rash of recent graffiti spraypainting incidents.  When, upon my swearing innocence, the police finally caught up with David Spade (who, by the way, was making a speedy getaway on a pink moped), they found not only spraypaint on his hands, but also an unregistered gun and quite a large amount of meth.  What’s in his wallet indeed.

 

The view out the front door of my office today.  Note the intrepid moped-rider.  Is that David Spade?

 

In other news, Cali over at Erstellen Mutterschaft has started an interesting series on fertility goddesses and saints.  So far she’s featured St. Rita of Cascia, patron saint of infertility, and Bast, the cat-headed Egyptian goddess of fertility.  More to come, I’m sure.  She also needs good wishes, as she is in the two-week wait after her 7^th IUI with donor sperm.

 

Lastly, props to Cass, Megan, Menita, Wavery, and my dearest British Bride for getting themselves knocked up lately.  Fingers crossed for Jenn and DD, who are waiting to see what happens, and a hearty congrats to Julie and Deborah, as they bring home their new arrivals.

I'm totally stealing this from Dramalish.  'Cause I thought it would be fun.

 

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.

 

It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

 

When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

 

Mmkay?

I survived the first meeting of the Upper Midwest Barren Bitches Brigade!  Alexa gives a lovely account of the event on her site (complete with pictures of ruined foodstuffs and a compliment on my “gorgeous shiny hair,” so I now love her forever and ever), as do Erin and Dooney (another hair comment!  I am awesome!) on theirs, but I thought I’d comment a bit here as well.

 We had wanted “Minnesota in Winter” weather, to (as I recall) “reflect the barrenness of our wombs,” and Minnesota did not disappoint.  I dragged a huge bag full of rum, limes, mint, soda water, sourdough bread, and artichoke dip through ankle-deep snow, and was greeted on the second floor by a friendly orange and white cat being chased by a friendly blonde who turned out to be the one and only Alexa.  As we walked into her tastefully Ikea plus old-world-style-sensibility decorated her apartment, Erin and Dooney were already in the midst of a detailed discussion of hormone levels.  I believe my words were, “I think I’ve come to the right place.”

Food and drinks were great, conversation was even better.  Lots of laughs.  I swear, Alexa has had enough experiences to last about 4 or 5 lifetimes.  Being invited by the attendees of a Hobo Convention to stay overnight with them in their tent?  Creating a Children’s Bill of Rights at the age of 5 to protest the fact that her kindergarten teacher confiscated one of her toys?  We all implored her to write her memoirs soon so we could continue laughing.

One of the funniest moments of the night was when we all decided that “Minnesota Nice” was actually a complimentary term for what was, more likely, “Minnesota Passive-Agressiveness.”  Very true.  Minnesotans will smile at you and offer you some hot dish and a rice krispie bar, but they’re secretly wishing that you would just put on some unwrinkled slacks and get a haircut, you big hippie.

All in all, great fun.  And I only got slightly drunk and hardly embarrassed myself at all.  And I know you will all be disappointed, but everyone there had a bigger rack than me.

*sigh*

And, by the way – December 3^rd was also my one year blogiversary.  What great friends I’ve met in the past year.  I love the internets.

OK --

 

Who has an easy, delicious snack/appetizer recipe that I can wow my book club with this weekend?  I'm hosting.

Three posts three days in a row!  Don't come to expect this, ladies.

 

I just wanted to confirm, per Alexa's earlier post, that Mojito-Fest on the Barren Plain will be held in Minneapolis on December 3, 2005.

 

I'm coordinator for this event, so let me know if you plan on coming and if this date works for you.  Definite attendees at this point: Alexa and I will be boozing it up and flashing the cleavage, and we'll be joined by a GENUINE MINNESOTA BLOG SUPERSTAR (I get all fangirl when I even think of meeting her).  Does this date work for you, Dooney and Tania?  Thinking of making the trip up, April and PJ?  I can't wait for all of the bitching and the passing-around-of-cat-pictures!

 

Once I have a definite count, I'll be able to make reservations and give all of you details on exactly where and when we're meeting.  We can also work out whether we'd like to do something else that night, etc.

 

I'm so excited to meet you all, I'm nearly downright giddy!

 

P.S. - Hey East Coast/West Coast/South/Europe/Australia/ Canada --

 

Jealous?